Steel Rainbow

The Legendary Underground Guide To Becoming An '80S Rock Star


Book Description

Looking back at '80s Hair Metal, one thing is apparent—every band looked and sounded exactly the same. According to legend, this is because of a secret text written by an anonymous record label in 1984 that promised fame and fortune to anyone who followed it word-for-word. As the music scene started to change in the '90s, this text faded into obscurity, never to be read and followed again…until now. Here, in all its glory, is a replica of that original text, painstakingly rewritten word-by-word for today’s retro music hopefuls to follow. The text, which covers everything from how to write music to how to dress, includes the following illustrated tips:

On How to Look:

  • Be sure to showcase your chest 75 percent of the time.

On How to Write Music:

  • Usë excëssivë ümlaüts in söng titlës.
  • Write a song for all the ladies out there, and declare it in the intro.

On How to Play:

  • Multiply the number of amps you need by six.

About Hart, Jordan

Jordan Hart is the founder of, a central online community for partial nerds everywhere with interests in pop culture, video games, music and movies, comic books, humor, and retro awesomeness. He has a regular gig as the “nerd world contributor” on The Kramp & Alder Morning Show on Milwaukee’s number one alternative rock music station. Follow him on Twitter: @Jordan_Hart / #Steel Rainbow